Change

There are a lot of changes going on within my company. Most I don't understand, a few I fear. I hate that I don't have the whole picture of what is going on. The curiosity gets the better of me at times. At other times, my stubborn nature kicks in and I want to dig my heels simply for the sake of digging my heels in. This generally results in me getting a surefire Godsmack to the back of my head. I forget at times that if I was supposed to know everything, I would.

I am looking into going back to school at the next semester. I want to go back and get my teaching credentials. I am quite tired of doing a job that is just a job and not something I love. I figure since I have to go to work every day, logically, shouldn't it be something I love going to? I can take online classes to finish my undergrad stuff up at least. I want to start out slow to try to prevent the whole "OMG, its too much too fast" that leads to me quitting.

Change is inevitable and I must remember to embrace it rather than fight it. Fighting it only leaves me with battle scars and frustration. Embracing it leaves me with grace and dignity.

Rants - traffic and driving habits

Yes, rants. Not rats. But rants.

Traffic Rants - this one is the biggest for me. I commute a total of 50 miles a day round trip on surface streets between work and home. I bet I have seen it all.

Why is it than when people come to a merge in the road they speed ahead to cut off the rest of traffic who is doing the right thing? Merging is not hard. No, not all. The left lane goes, the right lane goes, the left lane goes again. Theoretically, if everyone is doing is right, you end up with one car between you and the person you were behind. Yes, but here... it seems that signs of lanes being closed means you go as fast as you can to get in front of people. Why??? Will that 30 seconds really make the difference in your life? I suppose if you have to pee really really bad it might but come on!

And what is up with the people that zig zag through traffic? I have more fun watching them only to get up to the next light and be right next to them. I often smile and wave. Not even an old fashioned one finger wave, just a wave. As in hahaha you dip, all your rudeness got you nowhere fast. Literally.

I'm guessing that turn signals must be optional equipment these days on most cars. I'm guessing too that the price for them is so outrageous that its unthinkable to buy them. My car is older but it came with them originally. I haven't bought a new car in forever so maybe its a feature that is no longer standard? It seems to be the new fad to go fast to get around someone only to slam on your brakes and make a turn with no signal. Better yet are the ones I call drifters. They just sort of drift into your lane, usually cutting you off, with no turn signal in sight. I'd like to get a sign made on an old Bingo placard that reads "Guess your car came without turn signals" to flash at them.

Is it really that hard to go the speed limit? I'm not asking you go above it but when you are going 35mph in a 45 zone, it would be nice if you could do at least 42. Especially if you are in the fast lane. Its quite frustrating to be the car behind you that can't change lanes because everyone else is trying to get out from behind your turtle butt.

I was driving home today from the store and I came upon a younger than me guy in an older than mine car. The car was old. I think it might have been close to my age at least. Yet the stereo system would have put most theaters to shame and the rims were flashy enough to blind someone at the right angle. Ok, not my style but its not my car. Though it is silly to me to have accessories cost more than the car itself. And when the radio is up so loud with the bass thumping so hard it rattle my steering wheel... well, we got a problem. How is that pleasant to listen to? Are you meaning to provide the music for my car too? If so, can we change the station? Perhaps you are trying to synchronize your heartbeat? If I can't hear my radio though over the sound of yours... maybe you could turn it down? I have a baby in the backseat and I would prefer not having his whole body rattled by your bass.

My biggest pet peeve of all... the way some people use turn lanes when there is more than one at an intersection. See here is how it works... if you want to be in the left lane on the street you are turning on to, get in the left lane of the turning section. The same goes for wanting to be in the right lane, just get in the right lane of that turning section. This is especially useful if you are going to be making another left or right in the vicinity. If I know that the next time I am going to turn is left, well, I get in the left lane. Vice versa for the right. Its a pretty easy concept I think. Not too hard to manage in my opinion. Yet so many people get in the left turning lane to then cut off someone else to make another right. Why is that? Am I exceptionally smart to have figured this out? I somehow doubt it. I realize that there will always be those that are lost, unsure of where they are going but for the most part, they are the minority. Yet the majority drive like that. I just don't get it.

This post is brought to you by someone that doesn't feel like she owns the road, tries to be considerate of other drivers and hopes that they will be considerate of her.

TGI (almost)F

What an expensive day! I got in my car at lunch to leave and found I had a dead battery. Site security happened to be driving through. I thought Woohoo! I am lucky, they'll jump my car. Turns out that no, this was one of the many services that was cut in the name of "efficiency". I called a coworker in the lab and luckily he had cables and was able to jump my car. The battery was really old, had a lot of corrosion so I am not surprised it died. I didn't leave any lights on or anything so it just died. $75 for a new battery at Wal-Mart. Of course in the process of them changing it, I looked around. I found a memory foam mattress topper, 4 inches thick for a good price, plus some household stuff. Yeah... it got expensive fast. I have been eyeing the memory foam for 3 months though. And really that is the best price I am going to find for that thickness. PLUS, I am hopeful it will help Alex sleep better which in turn will help me sleep better.

We went out to dinner tonight with some friends. Its the first time in I don't know how long I have been out on a weeknight. It was really nice. The food was great. Its a place called Fresh Choice and its an all you can eat salad bar, plus they have a bread bar, pasta, soups, pretty much everything. Alex ate a ton. I ate a ton. We both left full and sleepy.

Before I had Alex, I never really thought much about parenting. I just figured it was natural to some extent and learned to a different extent. I find myself sometimes amazed at all that I know, how much has been instinctual and how much has been following Alex's lead. I wonder when he gets older what memories he will have of his childhood. I wonder if he will remember the silly songs I sing him that I make up as I go, the lullabies that pop into my head that are made up and often make no sense. I wonder if he will remember the feeling of being loved and cherished or if, because it is so present, it will just be the way things are and something not noticed.

I often worry that I am not doing enough to help him learn. I hear about kids that can identify noses, ears, eyes, dogs and cats. These kids are younger or about the same age as Alex yet, he's not there yet. He can go and get a ball if you ask him where his ball is. He knows what yucky and "throw that away" mean. Maybe its just that kids learn different things at different times. Maybe its a sign that I am not working with him enough. I hate the feeling of failing as a parent. I hate the feeling of not knowing what I am doing and that lack of knowledge impacting my son. I despise being so uncertain at my ability and my quality of motherhood performance. I am hoping all moms go through this, as selfish as that hope is.


Tomorrow is Friday and for that I am very grateful.

I need to get some new books. I am out of things to read right now. My dad and I have been book swapping and that is very cool. I found a few sites to buy them used but when all is said and done, the used price plus shipping is more than they are brand new.

Freedom has a small lump on his abdomen. I need to call the vet tomorrow and make an appointment to get it checked out. Alex's hearing test is tomorrow morning. I need to make a dentist appointment for myself too for a cleaning. So little time and so many things to do. Sometimes I feel like I need a personal assistant!