TGI (almost)F
What an expensive day! I got in my car at lunch to leave and found I had a dead battery. Site security happened to be driving through. I thought Woohoo! I am lucky, they'll jump my car. Turns out that no, this was one of the many services that was cut in the name of "efficiency". I called a coworker in the lab and luckily he had cables and was able to jump my car. The battery was really old, had a lot of corrosion so I am not surprised it died. I didn't leave any lights on or anything so it just died. $75 for a new battery at Wal-Mart. Of course in the process of them changing it, I looked around. I found a memory foam mattress topper, 4 inches thick for a good price, plus some household stuff. Yeah... it got expensive fast. I have been eyeing the memory foam for 3 months though. And really that is the best price I am going to find for that thickness. PLUS, I am hopeful it will help Alex sleep better which in turn will help me sleep better.
We went out to dinner tonight with some friends. Its the first time in I don't know how long I have been out on a weeknight. It was really nice. The food was great. Its a place called Fresh Choice and its an all you can eat salad bar, plus they have a bread bar, pasta, soups, pretty much everything. Alex ate a ton. I ate a ton. We both left full and sleepy.
Before I had Alex, I never really thought much about parenting. I just figured it was natural to some extent and learned to a different extent. I find myself sometimes amazed at all that I know, how much has been instinctual and how much has been following Alex's lead. I wonder when he gets older what memories he will have of his childhood. I wonder if he will remember the silly songs I sing him that I make up as I go, the lullabies that pop into my head that are made up and often make no sense. I wonder if he will remember the feeling of being loved and cherished or if, because it is so present, it will just be the way things are and something not noticed.
I often worry that I am not doing enough to help him learn. I hear about kids that can identify noses, ears, eyes, dogs and cats. These kids are younger or about the same age as Alex yet, he's not there yet. He can go and get a ball if you ask him where his ball is. He knows what yucky and "throw that away" mean. Maybe its just that kids learn different things at different times. Maybe its a sign that I am not working with him enough. I hate the feeling of failing as a parent. I hate the feeling of not knowing what I am doing and that lack of knowledge impacting my son. I despise being so uncertain at my ability and my quality of motherhood performance. I am hoping all moms go through this, as selfish as that hope is.
Tomorrow is Friday and for that I am very grateful.
We went out to dinner tonight with some friends. Its the first time in I don't know how long I have been out on a weeknight. It was really nice. The food was great. Its a place called Fresh Choice and its an all you can eat salad bar, plus they have a bread bar, pasta, soups, pretty much everything. Alex ate a ton. I ate a ton. We both left full and sleepy.
Before I had Alex, I never really thought much about parenting. I just figured it was natural to some extent and learned to a different extent. I find myself sometimes amazed at all that I know, how much has been instinctual and how much has been following Alex's lead. I wonder when he gets older what memories he will have of his childhood. I wonder if he will remember the silly songs I sing him that I make up as I go, the lullabies that pop into my head that are made up and often make no sense. I wonder if he will remember the feeling of being loved and cherished or if, because it is so present, it will just be the way things are and something not noticed.
I often worry that I am not doing enough to help him learn. I hear about kids that can identify noses, ears, eyes, dogs and cats. These kids are younger or about the same age as Alex yet, he's not there yet. He can go and get a ball if you ask him where his ball is. He knows what yucky and "throw that away" mean. Maybe its just that kids learn different things at different times. Maybe its a sign that I am not working with him enough. I hate the feeling of failing as a parent. I hate the feeling of not knowing what I am doing and that lack of knowledge impacting my son. I despise being so uncertain at my ability and my quality of motherhood performance. I am hoping all moms go through this, as selfish as that hope is.
Tomorrow is Friday and for that I am very grateful.
Labels: Everyday Life, parenting
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